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Writing 01: Identity


               I did not come to Computer Science early. I did not have a coding class in high school or start editing game code in my garage. In fact I avoided Computer Science as much as possible because it was something my brother did. Our relationship was often rocky in high school and I could not bear to start learning something he already knew so well; it would have been humiliating. Imagine my surprise when during my Intro to Engineering course I discovered that coding was something I enjoyed and was good at after all. This mindset originally caused me to stray away from the computing stereotypes I saw in my brother. I didn’t immediately switch to Linux and swear off Windows; I didn’t put all my time into passion projects. I let coding be a part of my school life, but kept it at a cautious distance.
               This has changed. As much as I resisted I couldn’t completely avoid the siren call of computing culture. Recently I have started to read research papers, plan personal projects, and am even typing this blog on replica IBM Model M keyboard – a Christmas gift from my brother. Slowly learning to embrace something as part of my identity has been a challenge, but not without rewards.
               As seen above, family plays a large role in how I see myself and the world around me. Every once in a while, my father will catch my eye and ask in a serious tone, “Do you know how lucky you are?” He hopes that I will recognize the privilege of my own situation.  I grew up in a loving two-parent household with almost no wants or needs. I was encouraged to help others, live within my means, and appreciate that what I had was not given to everyone. I have not always handled this well, but I hope to continue to grow, not in power, but in responsibility.
Notre Dame has been an incredible experience. I find myself surrounded by some of the most spectacular people every day. It has not been a perfect experience. I constantly make mistakes. The greatest impact Notre Dame has and will have on me is that here I could learn from my mistakes by engaging with those spectacular people and learning from them. As an engineering student, specifically a Computer Scientist, I view the university as a testing ground for iterative development of the self.
I am not a finished product, nor do I ever hope to be. My view of the world is shaped by that belief. I want to continue to learn and improve, and believe that others are capable of the same. Privilege shaped me, I am very aware of that fact. That places a responsibility upon me to grow beyond that privilege. I am unsure how I will achieve that, but I know that my years at this university have helped to start that process. I have been given an insight into the ability to impact change upon the world, one action or line of code at a time.

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